i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
