This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
