i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
