A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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