I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just high enough for therapy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
