Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
