i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
