We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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