you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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