Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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