There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
