508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
