If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
