she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
