Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
3 2 1 whiskey
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
