I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You are the jesus of drinking
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
