so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
