Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
