Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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