And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
