if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
