just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
