He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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