is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
