I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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