he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I forget how to act sober
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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