He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize