Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
