Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
