PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
