He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
