I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
