So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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