My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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