whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
