So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
