Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come see our sink grown plant.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
