omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
