The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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