i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
