his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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