Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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