omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
