he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
