theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
