Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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