I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
