help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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