I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The adults are the big ones right?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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