I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
