On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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