youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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