I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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