You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
