Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
