Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
