She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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