I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
