you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
