It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
