dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
