it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
