I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
