Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
