Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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