I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
