You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
