I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize