I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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