i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
