Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
