I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
