he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
