why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
