I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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