I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
