***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
