Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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