what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
